Is this guy gay or what?? love from one side !?

i'm 21yrs old guy happened to have a feeling for 25yrs guy from the gym he was trying to speak and talk with me and some times i feel like he is trying to know me but i keep a space between me and him ,,,, i dont want be hurt because he's totally straight ,,,now days became more closer to him i had his phone number and his pin number too last week i couldn't go to the gym for three days and he sends me some flirting messages like I've missed u and i need u by mu side and don't go away from me again ..etc when i tried send him back but he never answered me .in the other day when i saw him he acted like nothing happed...:$$.. he have a small shop in the mid town and i lost alot of money buying unnecessary things just to see him :( and some times he looks at me and smiles without any reason like he is trying to tell me he likes me ! ,,,,but come one he's way to hoot for me and who would like a handicapped guy walking on sticks ! i know i've worked really hard and lost a lot of wight and my look became much better but still harsh when i compare my body to his body and i cant face him and tell him that i love u i had feelings for u because being gay in my country is against the law and the ISLAMIC religion ! I've tried many times to see him from his bad qualities side just to unlove him but he seems perfect in my eyes like i'm blind ! i'm totally obsessed with him and i can't get him out of my mind ! :"(( he will travel for 10 days and i couldn't stand the place with out him so I've decided to go to a small trip just to clear my mind little bet ! is this love ? becuse this is my first experience in my life and never felt like this before just tell me what i have to do !? is this guy gay or what?? and sorry for my bad english !